A Precious Angel to Cherish and to Love

In an effort to remain creative amidst all the chaos in my life, I decided on making another personal item to be gifted.  This one was the creation of a simple polymer clay pot to celebrate what would have been my first son's 11th birthday.  Though Bryce didn't get to live a very long life, I see no reason to not share the joy he brought to my life with others.  This pot was filled with a flower arrangement done by a local florist who then delivered it to Labour and Delivery at the hospital, to be given to a family of a new baby born the same date as Bryce.  I hope it serves to remind the family who got this pot of the precious gift that they gained today, and to cherish every moment they get with their new baby.  It served as a reminder to me that art has the ability to help heal a heart.

Travelling The Wrong Path

There comes a time in every one's life when they have to reflect and decide what is important to them and whether or not they are on the path to where they wish to be going. My time to contemplate these questions occurred this past summer, around my 32nd birthday.  If it doesn't matter where you're going it doesn't matter which road you take to get there, and I've been wandering roads blindly for years now.  I've had an amazing journey, some fun times, and some not so great times, but I stopped, looked around, and realised that I was lost and wanted to start the journey home. 

I want to be creating.  I want to take these thoughts and ideas and visions that consume my days and my sketchbooks and turn them into reality.  I want to do it from the safety and comfort of my home.  I want to do it because I love to do it, and it's really a big part of who I am.   I want these things to be seen by other people.  Yes, over the last several years I've made a few things, but not to the full extent of what I've wanted.  So what's stopped me from getting on the right path and doing just that?  The paths I've been on have been the wrong ones; not necessarily going in the wrong direction, but full of unnecessary monsters.  Every step I took forward, I took in fear.  I've been living in fear of what would befall me if I didn't do the things that the monsters told me I must do.  For a long time I believed these monsters were my only friends, and I feared being alone on my journey.  These monsters told me things, and did things to me, and I lost myself.  I lost my ability to create, and to even think for myself at times.

I've met a few others while walking that path.  Good others who would creep out while the monsters were away, and try to put my broken self back together.  Gentle beings who would hold my hand and stroke my head and dry my tears and say to me, "Run.  Run, fight back if you have to,  and find some other way.  You'll never get to where you want to be if you stay on this path".

So, on the anniversary of my birth, I stood in the road and decided I can't walk that road another year.  I stood tall as monster came charging towards me and I said "no more. Take your things and go, and leave me". And he did.  But monsters don't go away so easily, and he came back, and he brought others, and I became more frightened.

Maybe sometimes it takes something dramatic to drive the point home that you're not where you want to be.  Nice fairy tale aside, I found myself a week later standing in my home, the 'monster' outside waiting for me.  I was terrified to leave, afraid of what would happen to me or my child if I walked out the door.  I spent an entire morning of my life peeking out the window to wait for the monster to give up and leave.  I contemplated sneaking out the fire escape.  Trapped and afraid in my own home, I decided that this was not going to happen any more.  I found help.  And while it'll be a long while before everything is sorted and fixed, that moment gave me power and strength to get back on the path to where I want to be.  Most helpfully, I can sleep at night.  I am a more productive person just because of that.

The first project I've finished as my new productive me is one that extends back to February when you met Paul and Bailey.  Paul Polar Bear needed his best friend to be with him, and now she's been created.  Everyone needs a friend, even if it's an unlikely friend, and this wee faerie is gratefully glad to have one in Paul.
 

Flower Shop Faeries

Meet Michelle!

A few weeks ago I was presented with a challenge-make some tiny waterproof faeries for terrariums and flower arrangements.  The key here is waterproof.  As a fibre artist, and cloth doll maker, how do I do waterproof?  The fabrics I love, and the Tibetan lamb hair aren't going to be useful here.  The solution of course was to substitute out the non-waterproof materials for the waterproof ones I already use.  The result is polymer clay faeries with Angelina Film  wings.  They're tiny, they're cute and they're fun.  They accent flower arrangements nicely-and they are currently available for purchase at Chartreuse Flower Works (lots of photos on her Facebook page here).  This flower shop is new in town, and a very unique, special place.  Michelle works magic with flowers like I've never seen before.  If you need flowers for Mother's Day, or any day, flowers that are unique and beautiful, please check out what Michelle has to offer-and consider adding a fairy to your arrangement.  You're fairy will keep smiling even after your flowers start wilting!  Sadly, most of my photos of these faeries didn't turn out, but we can make do with these.

Demons

I think it's probably that everyone has a demon project.  You know, the project that needs doing, that you don't want to do, that maybe you never wanted to start in the first place,  and keeps getting put off because just thinking about it makes you scared and sick. 

My demon project has been with me for 20 months and involves a 1940 Effanbee Patsy/Patricia doll. Patsy needed shoes.  I could make shoes for her, I was told.  I can?  I'd never made shoes for anything before.  While thinking to myself, "are you sure?", I said out loud, "err, I don't know". Out came Patsy and her perfect tiny wardrobe of 1930's and 40's clothing.   All the clothing made for the doll's owner was also made in miniature for Patsy, too.  I felt no confidence in making Patsy shoes.  Not just any shoes, replica white Mary Jane's and replica brown Oxford's. Yet, somehow I went home that day with Patsy and the task of making her shoes.

Today, Patsy has gone home.  She has even gone home with two pairs of new shoes.  For so many reasons, this project took me far too long.  Even now, I doubt that they are good enough for her.  They aren't perfect, but they did receive my best effort.  Most importantly, I did do them.  I didn't think I could at all, and I did makes shoes. 

With "Patsy's Shoes" now crossed off my list of projects to do, I feel relief,  and a sense of freedom.  I'm now free to work on the next project of my choice, without Patsy glaring at me from across the room.

Taking Flight

Still plugging away at my list of things to do.  I just completed my paper bird from Marilyn Radzat's Flight of Fancy workshop. I wasn't going to share the finished project here, not viewing this project as an important one on my artistic journey.  This was just a fun project on my list, because this little bird made me smile and I wanted to have one swinging happily away in my workspace. 

While working on my bird today, I learned a lesson from my son. He was reading a book to me, and burst into tears.  I put down my paper, and asked what was wrong.  "It's too hard, it too long, I can't do it" was his cry.  After he calmed down, he finished the book and exclaimed, "I feel so much better now!".

I asked him why he felt better to have finished, and he told me, "because I like to have finished things, and because that means I can do something else that I want to do more now".

I find myself reflecting on his words, and how true they are even to to my life, and my tasks.  I have this huge list of things to do, dating back to last spring, some items having been on that list even longer.  I have this physical written list, look at it, and see things that should have been done last May, still not yet started.  Time passes, the lists get longer and I cry out, "it's too long, I can't".  

Now I have a finished bird, and I too say, "I feel so much better now!"  This finished bird is one small success, and one item off my list.  It's a bird that sings, "you did it, and now you can do the next thing!"

Paul and Bailey

I've been catching up on some online workshops that I had signed up for last year.  Began with Diane Keeler's Let's Make A Teddy Bear class that was offered at A for Artistic.  As a teenager, I used to make teddy bears, but haven't done so in years, so was thrilled at the prospect of making this bear, though I did initially find the face a bit 'creepy' to begin with.  Paul Polar Bear and Bailey Boozy Bear didn't make it to their owners for Christmas as I had intended, but good things come to those who wait.  With their painted polymer clay faces and jointed mohair bodies, Paul and Bailey are ready for their new homes.

Choices

fun holiday project to pass a snowy day away

The beginning of a new year asks to be started with reflecting on the last.  My vision word for 2012 (the word to give focus and direction to my life) was "finish", and I feel I was rather unsuccessful with that.  How many projects did I actually finish?  Some, but not many.  Not as many as I had hoped.  Many of the same unfinished projects I spoke of this time last year are still here, in the same condition they were then.  But why?

I've come to realise that the goal needs to not be about finishing all the things that have been started, but rather about finishing the right projects; the projects that excite me when I think about them, the projects that makes me smile both inside and out, the projects that I dream about when both asleep and fully awake.  I have several such projects in mind.  When the ideas for them came to me over the course of last year, I wrote them in a book to be looked at in the future, because I was adamant about not starting anything new.  I found myself thinking about these projects repeatedly, rather than working on the projects I was insistent on finishing. 

"But why finish it?" I ask myself today.  I guess I feel that I should finish the things I've started, to persevere and to never quit.  Those are admirable qualities, but I've learned several other lessons over the last year too. It's okay to let go, to say, "I don't want to do this", and then not do it.  Creating art is about the enjoyment it's supposed to bring, and if a project is making you miserable, why do it? 

I've learned that it's okay to admit defeat sometimes, no matter how passionate you were about the project in the beginning.  Some things just weren't meant to be, and it's okay to fall out of love with an idea. No need to try forcing something to work.  It's okay to throw a project away, or pack it away to go back to in the future with fresh eyes, or give it away to someone who might have a vision for it.

I've learned that I sometimes need to say "No" to people. I am only 1 person.  I can't make everything for every body.  Some requests are sure to speak to me, and I enjoy making things for other people, but if someone asks, "hey, you're creative, can you make me a ____?", and the fist thought I think is, "yes I can, but I really don't want to", I should probably say, "sorry, no. I can not". There are plenty of other people around who can fulfill such requests and I shouldn't be sacrificing my happiness at the risk of possibly hurting someone else's feelings.  I say this as I sit beside a small unfinished project I took on some time ago for someone else which I knew I should have said "no" to ever starting.  There are no positive feelings associated with it. This project makes me feel sad, and frustrated, and angry, and guilty.  It's bogs down every other thing I want to be doing.  It would have been better for me, and the person who asked for the item, if I'd politely declined.  Am I giving this person my best work if I feel so bitterly towards her item?    



Bag from Anything challenge

Having a finished project is the validation of the journey.  It's the part where you get to say, "I've spent all this time working, and look at what I've accomplished".  While I can't yet sit here and show you what I've done, and can tell you about the journey-and any story is about the journey.   I can tell you that I have little desire to make flat 2 dimensional art in any form, and my focus will be primarily on structural/3 dimensional art.  I rediscovered my passion for writing, and I'm exploring ways to marry fibre art and prose.  I enjoyed the 2 journal projects I started last year (1 listed a positive thing that happened in my day, the other listed a creative thing I did every day), but both those projects were abandoned half way through the year because of my lack of enjoyment in creating and decorating journal pages.  I begin today a new daily record project that should be more fulfilling,and ultimately successful, not involving art journals in any way!  I learned to surround myself with people who encourage my efforts in every area of my life, and of the benefits in letting go of the people who held me back.  I spent the year all too aware of the passing of time, the finalities at the end of time, and just how easily time can end all together. Time has taught me to ask myself every day, "if this is the last moment I have in this life, is this what I want to be doing?"  If the answer is not, "yes", then it's time to do something else.

So, as this new year begins, I'm finished with "finish".  My vision word for this new year is "choice";  making choices that feel right, choosing to do things that I want, and choosing to say no to the things I don't want. It's my choices and my satisfaction with them that will lead to a happy ending to this year's story.  I wish you happiness and success with the choices you will make every day as you write your own story.