Choices

fun holiday project to pass a snowy day away

The beginning of a new year asks to be started with reflecting on the last.  My vision word for 2012 (the word to give focus and direction to my life) was "finish", and I feel I was rather unsuccessful with that.  How many projects did I actually finish?  Some, but not many.  Not as many as I had hoped.  Many of the same unfinished projects I spoke of this time last year are still here, in the same condition they were then.  But why?

I've come to realise that the goal needs to not be about finishing all the things that have been started, but rather about finishing the right projects; the projects that excite me when I think about them, the projects that makes me smile both inside and out, the projects that I dream about when both asleep and fully awake.  I have several such projects in mind.  When the ideas for them came to me over the course of last year, I wrote them in a book to be looked at in the future, because I was adamant about not starting anything new.  I found myself thinking about these projects repeatedly, rather than working on the projects I was insistent on finishing. 

"But why finish it?" I ask myself today.  I guess I feel that I should finish the things I've started, to persevere and to never quit.  Those are admirable qualities, but I've learned several other lessons over the last year too. It's okay to let go, to say, "I don't want to do this", and then not do it.  Creating art is about the enjoyment it's supposed to bring, and if a project is making you miserable, why do it? 

I've learned that it's okay to admit defeat sometimes, no matter how passionate you were about the project in the beginning.  Some things just weren't meant to be, and it's okay to fall out of love with an idea. No need to try forcing something to work.  It's okay to throw a project away, or pack it away to go back to in the future with fresh eyes, or give it away to someone who might have a vision for it.

I've learned that I sometimes need to say "No" to people. I am only 1 person.  I can't make everything for every body.  Some requests are sure to speak to me, and I enjoy making things for other people, but if someone asks, "hey, you're creative, can you make me a ____?", and the fist thought I think is, "yes I can, but I really don't want to", I should probably say, "sorry, no. I can not". There are plenty of other people around who can fulfill such requests and I shouldn't be sacrificing my happiness at the risk of possibly hurting someone else's feelings.  I say this as I sit beside a small unfinished project I took on some time ago for someone else which I knew I should have said "no" to ever starting.  There are no positive feelings associated with it. This project makes me feel sad, and frustrated, and angry, and guilty.  It's bogs down every other thing I want to be doing.  It would have been better for me, and the person who asked for the item, if I'd politely declined.  Am I giving this person my best work if I feel so bitterly towards her item?    



Bag from Anything challenge

Having a finished project is the validation of the journey.  It's the part where you get to say, "I've spent all this time working, and look at what I've accomplished".  While I can't yet sit here and show you what I've done, and can tell you about the journey-and any story is about the journey.   I can tell you that I have little desire to make flat 2 dimensional art in any form, and my focus will be primarily on structural/3 dimensional art.  I rediscovered my passion for writing, and I'm exploring ways to marry fibre art and prose.  I enjoyed the 2 journal projects I started last year (1 listed a positive thing that happened in my day, the other listed a creative thing I did every day), but both those projects were abandoned half way through the year because of my lack of enjoyment in creating and decorating journal pages.  I begin today a new daily record project that should be more fulfilling,and ultimately successful, not involving art journals in any way!  I learned to surround myself with people who encourage my efforts in every area of my life, and of the benefits in letting go of the people who held me back.  I spent the year all too aware of the passing of time, the finalities at the end of time, and just how easily time can end all together. Time has taught me to ask myself every day, "if this is the last moment I have in this life, is this what I want to be doing?"  If the answer is not, "yes", then it's time to do something else.

So, as this new year begins, I'm finished with "finish".  My vision word for this new year is "choice";  making choices that feel right, choosing to do things that I want, and choosing to say no to the things I don't want. It's my choices and my satisfaction with them that will lead to a happy ending to this year's story.  I wish you happiness and success with the choices you will make every day as you write your own story.